Have the self-indulgent “DINK (Double Income No Kids)” videos going around lately convinced you that DINKs have got it made? Not so fast. What about HIPs (Harried Intellectual Parents)?
Behold: the HIP manifesto.
We are HIPs! We regularly engage in critical thinking!
We’re HIPs! We don’t care who Taylor Swift goes out with!
We’re HIPs! Our biggest marital fight is over whose turn it is with a new book!
We’re HIPs! Our need to bribe our children during shopping is the only reason your beloved Costco snack bar exists! You’re welcome.
We’re HIPs! We actually enjoy reading picture books aloud!
We’re HIPs! We talk about causality in the American Civil War around the dinner table!
We’re HIPs! Our kids have informed opinions and advanced vocabularies!
We’re HIPs! We don’t confuse feelings for arguments!
We’re HIPs! We are raising irreplaceable human souls!
We’re HIPs! Our kids can sing shape-note hymns in harmony!
We’re HIPs! We understand that self-sacrifice leads to joy in the long run!
We’re HIPs! When we go on vacations, we take our awe-struck kids with us!
We’re HIPs! We have read the Narnia series five times and each time it only gets better!
We’re HIPs! We know Halloween is for kids, not for adults who like to dress up in sexy LARP-ing outfits and get drunk!
We’re HIPs! We get to fill children’s stockings at Christmastime!
We’re HIPs! We are the heads of clans. We can even make up our own tartan and make our kids wear it, if we want!
We’re HIPs! The thrift store calls us whenever they get a bookcase in stock!
We’re HIPs! We homeschool and also have fulfilling intellectual and social lives!
We’re HIPs! We get advanced degrees and have families! Turns out you can do both!
We’re HIPs! We drink our $8 lattes at the bookstore!
We’re HIPs! By the age of nine, our kids know how to make us breakfast in bed for our birthdays!
We’re HIPs! Our toddlers come up to us when we look tired and wrap their chubby arms around our necks and give us sweet little kisses!
We’re HIPs! We have our very best friends living right here with us in our houses!
We’re HIPs! We have in-real-life DINK friends who are not self-indulgent nincompoops, but use their time and money to do good for their communities!
We’re HIPs! You know that thing that DINKs are so proud of “still doing” three times a week? Do you know how HIPs make their kids?
We’re HIPs! And we’d sure as heck rather be that than be pampered and rested, any day.
Dixie Dillon Lane is an American historian, teacher, and essayist who writes frequently for Current and Front Porch Republic as well as other publications, including her website, TheHollow.Substack.com. She is an Associate Editor at Hearth & Field and holds a Ph.D. from the University of Notre Dame.