The humorist is part of a Washington Post forum that asked writers how the election is affecting their communities. Here is Barry’s answer:
I don’t know if this is an accurate way to measure the enthusiasm surrounding the election, but: In my neighborhood, the number of yard signs for presidential candidates is smaller than the number of fliers taped to utility poles asking people to be on the lookout for an escaped tortoise named Conch.
“She is about 3 ft big and weighs about 40 lbs,” state the fliers, helpfully distinguishing Conch from other escaped tortoises.
My wife and I pass Conch’s yard on our daily walk and would often see her chilling under a shrub. She’d hang out there for a week or two, and then she’d develop a case of wanderlust and move to a different shrub.
Apparently, she had bigger dreams, because one day, when her yard gate was left open, she bolted, to the extent that a tortoise can bolt. Alerted by the fliers, my wife and I joined the search for Conch. We went around the neighborhood calling her name, as though we expected her to suddenly come bounding toward us out of the shrubbery, like Rin Tin Tin with a shell. We had no luck, but fortunately Conch, after having been missing for about a week, was found not far from her yard, under a shrub. So now she’s back home, with a crazy story to tell.
But her fliers are still up, and as I say, they outnumber the political yard signs, which leads me to think my neighbors are not enthused about the election.
Read the rest here.